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That old feeling

I've been having dreams over the past week or so of me being single again... dreams where I'm in situations like I'm living with roommates and or I'm in my early 20's and crushing on someone. Don't get me wrong.. I love being married and a mom... but these dreams are also coming with that feeling ... that feeling of uncertainty and excitement. That feeling where you don't know what's going to happen. Will I end up with my crush? Butterflies in the stomach. I think I was addicted to that feeling when I was younger.. hence, that's why I always was in terrible "relationships" (or crushes) and never had an adult, grown up boyfriend. (Did I use the word hence correctly back there?)

Anyway.. it's kinda nice to wake up with that giddy feeling. One dream was about John Mayer, another about Danny from The Mindy Project, and last night I was at a party with a bunch of 20 somethings and other "adults" (My parents included). The guy who played Jeff Buckley was there /Penn_Badgley and I was trying to impress him by playing some Buckley on the jukebox. Before my song played though, my mom told me to put something else on and Penn walked out of the room. I was mad that he didn't get to hear the music and understand that I was such a "deep" person to appreciate it and I threw a tantrum like a child and huffed and puffed my way out of the party. My dad followed me and grabbed me by the arm in front of everyone and embarrassed me. I remember rationally thinking in my head "I'm 37! You can't do that to me!".. but at the same time.. REALLY feeling those emotions like when you are a teenager and upset.

I guess what I really should be focusing on is the interaction with my parents.. since they are staying with me here in NY for a few months.. maybe the dream is really telling me that I feel like I'm not in control with them around?

Either way.. these dreams are what have brought me back to Live Journal.. and it's nice to be back. Maybe I'll keep posting here every so often.. as my little escape, when I have the time. It's nice to have an outlet and a place to go.. it's nice to have a moment to myself to reflect and think on things.. even if it's just babble. Now that I'm married and have a child, it's really rare to have those moments.

Nice chatting with you LJ.

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